Thursday, 22 March 2012

This is Major Tom to Ground Control

Fucking hell I've finally started writing. This has been nagging at me for a while to start doing it and now I finally am. I can feel the world at my fingertips, or my brain leaking out my fingertips onto the keyboard and into cyberspace. It's truly dizzying. Anyway, as is probably already apparent, I can't write very well due to the fact that I've basically not had to write prose of longer than about a hundred words in any kind of serious academic or professional context for over three years. So my style is going to be horribly sloppy and conversational and will hopefully sharpen up over time, although what this really means is I will be locked in an endless struggle to sound like neither a whiny teenager nor a pretentious Martin Amis wannabe. But let me make one thing very clear: I am a martin Amis wannabe. But I definitely mean this in the same way that I'm a Kate Bush wannabe (it would be nice to be able to write songs and do kung-fu in the woods) - I don't consider myself a serious contender here.

Anyway, I shall be writing here on this page about a range of topics that I find interesting, some of it will be sort of personal but I don't want to just write about myself in case this makes me look like a cunt. I am sort of terrified that this is exactly what will happen, so for all ye naysayers who already think I'm a cunt, please please please give me the benefit of the doubt because I don't intend to come across this way. I can be gushingly confident in real life that I appear to be a nice person and I'm hoping that I will be able to do the same thing on here. I do however note that the voice in my head as I write words can be a little different to the voice in the reader's head, so for the purpose of entirely removing any responsibility for anything I might say on here I would like to announce that this is in fact a bizarre parody of myself, written by me, and there are of course several layers of deep irony buried in everything I say here. Including when I'm being really serious about stuff, except sometimes not.

I spent a good ten minutes pondering over whether or not to write under my own name, some sort of ridiculous false identity or as myself, and I eventually decided to write as me. (Although I am tempted to develop a crappy pseudonym at some point.) Not just so I could shamelessy self-promote, but also to curb my temptation to go off the rails with ridiculous opinions and hyperbole and stuff. The downside to this is that my mother will definitely be reading this (Hello Mummy darling), so if you've come to read stories pertaining to my secret life as a drug-dealing rentboy then you'll have to look for my other blog. (See! I'm doing humour already!)

At this stage I will assume whatever tiny readership I have is whoever in my circle of friends has seen a link I've posted (SHAMELESSLY) from some sort of social network but on the offchance I turn into some kind of cult celebrity (you never know) I suppose I should quickly jot down a few biographical details. One of four children, raised in St Albans, currently a second year undergrad at Oxford. Studying engineering for some reason. With a little bit of French as well. I'm pretty socialist in my political views and am a big fan of the militant homosexualist secularist vegetarian agenda. Disclaimer: I am not a vegetarian, I just push vegetarianism as an ideology because if what I have heard about keynesian economics is true, a drop in demand will equate to a drop in the price, so I'm ruthlessly campaigning in order to enjoy a steak dinner more often. Anyway enough about me, I will be following up this post soon. Ciao.

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