In praise of my toothbrush

About a year ago the guy who'd been our family dentist for as long as I can remember got struck off for stalking one of his patients, sending her loads of text messages asking for sex and telling her she needed loads of unnecessary treatments on her teeth. It was pretty big news in the local paper and we were all very surprised because he'd always seemed like such a lovely guy, and not a creepy sexter. Ah well.

I then forgot to go to the dentist for 18 months because important as regular dental checkups are, life goes on without them. But then two months ago I noticed that my teeth could do with being sanded down by one of those things they have and I wanted my wisdom teeth prodded a bit. So off I went.

It took me about 20 minutes to track down an NHS dentist that was taking on new patients and on the day I nearly missed my appointment because I was probably lost in my reflection or something and forgot to leave the house, so when I got there I was pretty red-faced, sweaty and out of breath. And covered in aphids because I'd gone on a slightly rural route and they'd decided they liked the colour of my t-shirt. No, thinking about it, I was wearing a vest.

I wasn't waiting to be called for very long when the dental nurse called me in. I got into the room, said hello to the other dental nurse who was in a different uniform. sat down and was waiting for the dentist to come in, when I had a realisation: the original dental nurse was in fact the dentist. Now, my original assumption wasn't because my dentist was a woman. The assumption had more to do with the fact that she looked about 12. Or, to be a little more truthful, maybe about 17. But not old enough to be a dentist.

I then had a sudden realisation: one day in the not too distant future, I will perhaps meet an actual medical professional who is younger than me. I'm not sure why I only had that thought then, seeing as some of my friends are medical students and I once tried to go on a date with a junior doctor, who may have been a relative of The Red Baron. Although I never found out because he stood me up, THAT BASTARD.

Getting stood up was really annoying because we'd agreed to meet for a coffee and I'd gone in and sat down, but there was a queue forming for tables so I went ahead and ordered myself a silly overpriced coffee because I didn't want to hog a table while people were waiting. When it became apparent that he was not in fact on his way, how I regretted spending that £3.25. Although I was annoyed about the fact I'd been stood up, I was a little bit pleased with myself about it, as it's another one of those things to add to the list of things that have happened to you, a bit like how you have to get stabbed or shot a few times before you get taken seriously as a rapper. But it's not an entirely happy memory as every now and then I remember the price of that coffee. The coffee wasn't even that good.

Oh yeah, so - I got my teeth cleaned cos they had a bit of tartar on and I got a filling which was kinda exciting as I hadn't had one before, and I  was told to buy an electric toothbrush. So I did. I'm so in love with my new electric toothbrush. It is the business. Everyone should buy one. Get one off Amazon for £25. (Or elsewhere, as Amazon are tax-dodging scumbags ... I dunno if anywhere else is as cheap though.)

I'd like to point out that this isn't some kind of guerilla marketing campaign for Philips Sonicare. I am in fact so genuinely happy with this toothbrush I bought, and am spreading the love.

If you think you don't need to buy a Sonicare because you already have an electric toothbrush, think again. Those Oral B ones that twist are kinda fun, but they are nowhere near as fun as the Sonicare. The Sonicare makes your whole head buzz. It makes your ears buzz. If you have an ear blocked with earwax then just use the Sonicare for a bit. The Sonicare is so much fun that I actually sort of get excited about jumping out of bed in the morning and brushing my teeth, although admittedly I often get back into bed again after. It has a timer that cuts out after two minutes but I often now take four minutes brushing, because I forget to concentrate due to how fun it is. Your mind wanders. You could be anywhere.

One last thing about the Sonicare: it's also really good at cleaning your teeth. Squeaky clean.